I wrote to someone regarding how I came to forgive them, move on, and grow from my experiences with them. An excerpt:
Whenever I recall something in the past that makes me feel bad, I separate the emotions from the memory or experience. That's what helps me move on and forgive. For instance, with you, I still acknowledge that you have hurt me, done things I didn't like, or just made me feel sad. What's done is done, I can only control the emotions associated with past experiences and memories. I can't look to you to make things right, justify my feelings, or give me closure. You probably never will, but that's okay because you're not supposed to. No one is supposed to. Rather than me holding onto a sense of pain and disappointment from seeing you walk away from arguments in the past, I instead shifted my perspective to believing that you walking away didn't have to automatically mean that you deliberately wanted to make me feel abandoned or rejected. Otherwise, you would have gotten fed up and never tried to reconcile. Instead, I speculate that maybe that was just your (or anyone else's) natural reaction to feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. In a situation like that, what else can you do right?
After speculating that was a possible reason you would react that way sometimes, I thought about why those actions were reasonable. For instance - all you did was walk away, leave, or simply disappear. In situations like that, you needed to use your survival instinct to flee because staying would have meant destruction. So rather than take some of your actions personally, I put my emotions and ego aside and tried to understand your motives. So then, you walking away from an argument or demanding situation doesn't become an experience of you hurting me. It is an indication of how overwhelmed you feel and how you deal with that. I'm just using one example of the past to clarify how I have come to forgive so much of what I used to hold against you and feel resentful. Still, I acknowledge that some of your actions are just expressions of your nature. Some can get changed; others can't. You're the only one that can change anything about yourself. For me to continue holding things against you means I'm admitting the power that they hold over me. It means accepting that those resentments are superior to me, which is not in my best interest.
I am a fool if I need bitterness and resentment to feel powerful and bigger than I am. So when I recognize myself leaning in the direction of hate rather than love, I examine perspectives. Every moment, experience, and memory are entirely dependent on perspective. Jesus himself was always preaching and reminding people about the best perspectives to have. He shifted the global perspective of salvation and your personal relationship with God. The way you see everything, including yourself, directly affects your emotional reactions and determines the quality of your life. That's why having pure faith is so important to God. It's about how you believe, more so than how much you believe. A mustard seed is pretty tiny. Your faith perspective determines whether God moves for you or not and how He delivers.