Today is significant. At a point when I was most broken and desolate, desperate for something to remove my sorrows.... God reached His hand out..... and I took it. I was feeling empty and barren. I was feeling alone and weak. Then I saw a video, Overcomer by Mandisa. I couldn't help but cry, and cry, and cry some more as I watched the struggles and triumphs and started feeling empowered. It's what I needed. I didn't expect to, but I felt God grab a hold of my heart. I felt His hands mending my broken pieces. Just when I had felt like giving up, losing hope, and throwing away whatever goodness I was holding onto, the Lord stepped in to show me something better.
I am alone, and I've been in this position before. Although it was other people's words and actions that hurt me so badly, I know that it was ultimately my own sensitivity that held me captive. God freed me. I kept searching for more music that related with what I was feeling. I found songs I had not heard in years, I listened to them with new ears. They impacted me even more and helped me understand God's love so much deeper. I became captivated and simply let myself go. I handed my burdens to Jesus. I gave up control. I opened my heart. I trusted. I took hold of His mercies and I am forgiven. I connected with the Lord, shared my heart, and embraced His love. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. He didn't forget me.
I have been criticized a lot for the emotional level of spirituality that I express. I hid my light for a long time. I let the world dim my true joy. I have no reason to hold back. If people don't understand the depth of the experience I have with God, they are not meant to. My experience and journey is personal; it's not shallow, it's not flat. Those who are meant to understand where I am coming from, will. Jesus fills my world with wonder, emotion, love, and depth. That is where we meet. In a place of transcendence that defies the world's common sense. That is where I feel His love the deepest. Where his love overwhelms my heart so much that I cannot speak. Where my joy is so great that tears stream down my face like a waterfall. Where my Lord is my Healer and restores my mind, heart, and soul. Where I feel the pain, heartache, and fear leave me and He replaces it with love, safety, and freedom.
I feel God's love so deeply, and His presence so strongly that I want to dwell in worship and praise for as long as I can. That's how it is when you are truly moved by God. When He chooses you, and shows you how much you matter because you are His. I was in a space of great emotional suffering. I found my peace in Jesus. He's more than enough for me.
*Originally written June 12, 2015