He is a God of second chances. I got mine tonight. It started when I felt overwhelmed by the stress someone close to me was causing. The previous night, I prayed and asked the Lord to help my situation, I put it in His hands. I sobbed my heart out as it ached for relief. I decided to trust Jesus more. To have faith in His will for me. I didn't see a way out. I didn't see any other way to a solution besides seeking divine intervention. God intervened alright, and I was blown away.
This morning I had an emotionally charged dream that the world around me was in chaos. Without realizing it, I became a hybrid human and my eyes changed into yellow cat eyes very briefly. My vision became foggy and I saw the reality around me differently. I was in the midst a young group of troublemakers. I left their group and found myself running into my older brother on the street. He was accompanied by His children. I was scared, but he reassured me that I was okay, and that I wasn't bound for hell after all. In the dream, I was horrified that because I wasn't a pure human anymore, I was going to go straight to hell. I followed my brother and his family to stay safe. I felt relieved and at peace with him. This was a trippy dream to me that I didn't quite understand, until I realized why I saw what I did. It was a foretelling of what the day would bring.
My brother visited me and spoke in depth about every single issue I prayed to God about the previous night. I was in shock and in utter awe. I am very familiar with this kind of experience, but it has been a while. I have seen it with others, but not so powerfully specific in my own life. I realized that God had sent my brother, who is also my pastor, to answer my prayer. My brother told me about ideas and concepts I deeply care about. He reassured me about the restoration of my walk, the direction I need to go, and where I would end up whether I chose to do so or not. It gave me the confidence in knowing what I need to do to find true peace. The dream I had was symbolic of the role that my brother played in reassuring me that I didn't have to be afraid of hell because God was still mindful of me. Everything I ever did to please God has not been forgotten. It has just been stored away. Ready to be revisited and restored whenever I'm ready. I received the very things I needed to move forward. I don't feel so stuck anymore. I can hope for a beautiful future that I never imagined for myself. I can walk into a territory that is only mine to claim, without the stress that I've recently encountered. I just have to sift through the remnants of righteousness and revive them.
I feel incredibly humbled that the Lord heard me, took my burdens, and is fighting for me. I thought I had lost my place and assumed I was not worthy to ask anything of God. He showed me how much of a lie I was blindly believing. I understand most of my life better now, and why struggles have gripped me the way they have. Most of my struggles were lessons, and still serve as such. I can say with confidence that I am filled with purpose, appointed solely by God. There's no other way I can justify who I am; despite everything that has served as distractions and obstacles to the righteousness I still yearn for. It means so much to me to be able to still say that I serve a great God. A God of mercy. One of the best songs that I can relate to this experience is Find You on my Knees by Kari Jobe.
*Originally written July 20, 2015