I went to therapy yesterday morning and shared my progress since my last session. I spoke at length about key milestones and was able to express where I am emotionally right now compared to how I started therapy last year. My therapist gave me a clear perspective of how I have grown and the direction I'm going as far as my emotional goals. It has taken me this long to get to a position in my life where I have been able to clear away the personal obstacles that have held me back from healing. At least most of the major ones. Now that I'm off of the emotional roller coaster that drove me nuts, I'm able to enjoy some smooth sailing out in the sea of emotional peace.
I am not out of the woods yet though. I was able to identify with my therapist that the next thing I have to work on is journeying through my trauma so that I am less affected by it. I have applied band-aids on my emotional wounds for so long. I was able to see what held me back from actually healing those wounds. They make me uncomfortable to the point of forcing myself to think of something else so that I don't get too deep back into feeling my pain surrounding past events. I feel ready to tackle my trauma now. I know I have to do some pretty intense and profound work though. So my therapist offered to gather up some worksheets for me to help me identify some clear actions as far as that.
I know exactly what I need to do. I am waiting for the right opportunity to start the healing process without short circuiting myself or getting re-traumatized. Otherwise, I know I will get all screwed up. I can't afford that right now. I'm anticipating the intensity that I will experience. I'm ready.